It was once so unknown and out of the way, cartographers failed to include it on their world maps. But due to the global popularity of the HBO series “Game of Thrones,” the vast continent of Westeros has become a common dream destination for vacationers and exiles alike.
But if you’re thinking of booking passage to bask on the sunny beaches of Dorne or to climb pristine peaks of The Vale, or if you decide that you want to sample the lively culture and nightlife of King’s Landing with its infamous brothels, or if you are kidnapped by a wayward knight who is looking to cash in on an expected ransom…
Traveling The Seven Kingdoms will present dangers to your life and limb like no other place you’ve ever been. (It’s part of Westeros’s charm.)
So if, for whatever reason, you should find yourself traveling in Westeros, here are 20 helpful tips that will greatly improve your odds of getting out of The Seven Kingdoms alive.
20 – Avoid Weddings!
If you’ve received an invitation to a wedding taking place in The Seven Kingdoms, DO – NOT – GO! If asked to RSVP, make up any conceivable excuse that you can think of as to why you cannot attend. Lie, if you have to.
Westerosi weddings are deadly affairs. The newly arrived Dothraki believe that a wedding that doesn’t have at least three killings is a dull affair. A recent royal wedding saw the King spew blood and bile, dying a horrible death resulting from the cruelest of poisons, The Strangler. And at what became known as The Red Wedding, a groom was unceremoniously dragged from his bedding ritual and thrown in a dungeon while the rest of his family was being slaughtered in the reception hall.
Even if you were to survive the wedding, you’d have to deal with the sad knowledge that over half those newlyweds will be dead within the year. This makes buying an appropriate wedding gift a tricky proposition.
If you choose to disregard this tip and are attending a seemingly festive Seven Kingdoms wedding, should the house band strangely start playing the mournful tones of “The Rains of Castamere”, say your prayers! You’re a goner.